Posts Tagged: soft curve of apathy

People — 1 Comment
14
Apr 09

Public Service Announcement – The Heartbreak of DOA

I’d like to bring your attention to a crippling disorder that is afflicting millions of North Americans every day. It’s called DOA–Delayed Onset Adulthood. You’ve probably never heard of it, but neither have 99% of the people who are suffering from this heartbreaking disease.

DOA is a spectrum disorder that most commonly strikes men and women between the ages of 25 and 40. Its symptoms, which range in severity from only occasionally noticeable to completely debilitating, are varied. Some DOA sufferers are incapable of self-regulating or of making even the simplest decisions on their own without checking in with their entire Facebook or blog cohort; others have completely lost perspective on reality, preferring instead to continue to believe they are as special as their parents told them they are, and that they will indeed eventually become the next big thing on the indie music scene despite the fact that they work in an office and haven’t touched their Casio keyboard in over 18 months, and then only to look for some rolling papers.

But there is a cure. A simple procedure, called a cranio-rectal extraction, relieves virtually all symptoms of DOA. So if you or someone you love is suffering from DOA, don’t hesitate. Call now. We can help. 1-888-HEAD-OUT.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by FUCUP (Federation for Underachievers Coping with Unrealized Potential).

People / Qualities — 1 Comment
11
Mar 09

Just Fine, Thank You.

Worker: “I won’t be coming in to work tomorrow. I need to attend a funeral.”
Boss: “How will you be making up the time?”
Worker: “Wow.”
BB King: “”The thrill is gone, baby…”

There’s a certain quiet euphoria that comes from the realization that you no longer give a fuck–an almost preternatural calm as all the barbs and jagged edges melt away into the soft curve of apathy.

Not to be mistaken with nihilism, this kind of apathy doesn’t prevent one from doing a good job or from caring about the impact on other people. It simply means that the burden of, well, giving it too much thought is lifted. The impact is lessened. For those tender folk who take too much on, who believe themselves somehow responsible even for things that are beyond their control, this realization is a truly amazing occurrence. Where one was previously unable to muster up a smile in the face of senselessness, or was unable to accept that there were certain things that could not be changed by sheer force of will, suddenly there is peace. Stress dissipates, the clouds part, and everything is fine. Just fine thank you.