Posts Tagged: peace


25
Jun 09

Still: Vancouver, Dusk

A quiet evening spent sitting on the front step.

It rained today–a real, air-cleansing rain, one that soaks into the soil a good inch or so, leaving it spongy and clean-smelling. Now it’s stopped though, and the sky has cleared along the western horizon. But there are still places that threaten rain, where the clouds hang like wrinkled bedsheets put out on a line to dry on a still day.

I can hear the neighbors across the way unlocking their door, creaking it open; dogs and masters walk together, neither in a hurry, both smelling the air; a trolley hums by at the end of the street. Normally each of these things would steal my attention, but tonight I let them Doppler by as I sit.

I like the calm that settles in on a night like this. Though I’m in the city, I really could be anywhere. The delicate balance between content and resignation at another day’s passing has been struck. No need for deep thoughts tonight–best that they be allowed to slip in then fade like the evening sounds.

The after dusk cool sets in and the clouds start to move. Then so do I.


28
May 09

Between Bones

I’ve often heard that if you put your trust in the universe, good things will happen. For the most part, I’ve always viewed that idea as a little too ‘rainbows and unicorns’ for me. But there’s also something very compelling about it. You mean, if i take the lazy way out, things will work out for me anyway? Sweet! But I don’t think being lazy is what’s intended. What’s really going on here is a friendly reminder to not worry about things over which you have no control anyway.

So, with that in mind, I’ve been attempting to carry out my life in such a way that I don’t worry about all the things that normally get to me: the rude or insensitive comments, what appears to be a population imbued with a giant sense of entitlement, the external pressures to be a certain way or to achieve certain things. Instead, I decided to only offer my precious brain power to the service of working on things I can control: keeping a positive attitude, fulfillment of wishes and dreams, helping out friends.

And as soon as I did, something weird happened. I got a phone call that would change things for me. It felt great. I was elated. I thought to myself: That was just what I needed. But after a while, when the initial excitement wore off, I started feeling anxious and not at all sure. Things weren’t really meshing with my original plan. I got another phone call. And the situation rectified itself. I was off the hook.

I started to attribute this to the universe, I have to admit. Sometimes she just throws you a bone, I thought, and I’ve been between bones for quite some time. And while I normally believe I make my own “luck,” such as it is, it’s tempting, and sometimes even pleasant, to believe you’re being cared for by something else.


11
Mar 09

Just Fine, Thank You.

Worker: “I won’t be coming in to work tomorrow. I need to attend a funeral.”
Boss: “How will you be making up the time?”
Worker: “Wow.”
BB King: “”The thrill is gone, baby…”

There’s a certain quiet euphoria that comes from the realization that you no longer give a fuck–an almost preternatural calm as all the barbs and jagged edges melt away into the soft curve of apathy.

Not to be mistaken with nihilism, this kind of apathy doesn’t prevent one from doing a good job or from caring about the impact on other people. It simply means that the burden of, well, giving it too much thought is lifted. The impact is lessened. For those tender folk who take too much on, who believe themselves somehow responsible even for things that are beyond their control, this realization is a truly amazing occurrence. Where one was previously unable to muster up a smile in the face of senselessness, or was unable to accept that there were certain things that could not be changed by sheer force of will, suddenly there is peace. Stress dissipates, the clouds part, and everything is fine. Just fine thank you.