Posts Tagged: lists

Things — No Comments
16
Feb 09

You’ve Made My Ticked List

It’s been a while since I’ve written a list and there’s nothing like a good list to get me going.

As it is Monday, it seems appropriate to come up with a list of things that cause me to be peevish–not unlike Monday itself. I hope to follow it later with a list of things that please me to no end. But until then, in no particular order and by no means an exhaustive list, here goes:

  1. People who behave as if the train or bus standing in front of them will be the last one EVER, and then proceed to crowd the doors trying to get on before letting other people off. Knock that off right now!
  2. Authors who submit late manuscripts, have what seems to be only a marginal understanding of the English language, call far too frequently, and assume their glorious stature as writer of a 64-page book on crafting enables them to tell their editor how to use language while working on their little gems.
  3. The guy who says “And how is AnnMarie today?” causing me to respond in the third person. Just so you know: I. Am. Fine.
  4. My own complete and utter lack of interest in exercise. I know it’s good for me and that I should like it, but I just don’t.
  5. Slow talkers. Close talkers. Loud talkers. Over-sharers.
  6. Lynard Skynard. Yes. All of it.
  7. When people “friend” me on Facebook, then never engage with me in any way. Not even a wall post. Sod off and stop being a collector.
  8. Polyphonic classical music mobile phone rings.
  9. That twitchy/fussy/kicky feeling I get in my legs when I’m sitting at my desk but don’t feel like working.
  10. The guy who tells stupid jokes that a) aren’t funny; or b) don’t even make sense.
States — No Comments
24
Nov 08

Why I Have Not Written Any of My Blog Posts

My loyal readers (both of you, bless your hearts) are likely wondering where the Hello Kitty I’ve been lately.

I’d like to say “I’ve been busy” but it’s simply not true. However, here’s a list of 10 other possible reasons I haven’t been posting*:

  1. The vagaries of the internet have eluded me. (Please disregard the fact that I email/FB/Twitter with some degree of regularity [read: obsessively]).
  2. The internet was broken.
  3. My computer was broken.
  4. I was broken.
  5. In a cruel and freakish twist of fate, I lost my fingers in a horrific accident concerning some frozen poultry, a roll of undeveloped film, 6 Laotian khaen players and a bowl of lentil soup.
  6. I have been trapped under something heavy with only my mobile phone, which for some reason I did not use to call for help, to amuse me.
  7. Plagued with crippling “performance anxiety” I was unable to publish for fear of alienating/disturbing/amusing/acting as a mirror to your enfeebled sense of humanity/boring my two dedicated readers.
  8. Someone switched the keys on my keyboard so that everything I endeavored to type appeared to be the garbled ramblings of a drunk. Wait a minute…
  9. I was drunk.
  10. A garden gnome stole my password.

*Disclaimer: The listed reasons may or may not be true, either when taken as a whole or in part. The Noun accepts no liability for the content of this blog post, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided, unless the information is subsequently confirmed in writing. Even if said information were to be subsequently confirmed in writing, you’d have to make a pretty compelling argument for me to give a flying flange about the entire godforsaken affair. Garden gnomes, Laotian Khaen players, and heavy things notwithstanding, what you read here is pretty much your problem. I mean, you’re not one of those people who need the “Caution. This beverage is hot!” warnings, are you? You are, aren’t you!? Ugh.