I’d like to bring your attention to a crippling disorder that is afflicting millions of North Americans every day. It’s called DOA–Delayed Onset Adulthood. You’ve probably never heard of it, but neither have 99% of the people who are suffering from this heartbreaking disease.

DOA is a spectrum disorder that most commonly strikes men and women between the ages of 25 and 40. Its symptoms, which range in severity from only occasionally noticeable to completely debilitating, are varied. Some DOA sufferers are incapable of self-regulating or of making even the simplest decisions on their own without checking in with their entire Facebook or blog cohort; others have completely lost perspective on reality, preferring instead to continue to believe they are as special as their parents told them they are, and that they will indeed eventually become the next big thing on the indie music scene despite the fact that they work in an office and haven’t touched their Casio keyboard in over 18 months, and then only to look for some rolling papers.

But there is a cure. A simple procedure, called a cranio-rectal extraction, relieves virtually all symptoms of DOA. So if you or someone you love is suffering from DOA, don’t hesitate. Call now. We can help. 1-888-HEAD-OUT.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by FUCUP (Federation for Underachievers Coping with Unrealized Potential).

These days, even the sound of the word ‘Olympics’ elicits an automatic cringe from me. Between skyrocketing budgets, skewed political priorities (don’t get me started on funding these games in the first place with all the other worthy places for the money to go) and the long term ramifications of the whole shit show, now I read this: http://thetyee.ca/News/2009/02/05/OlympicPrivacy/ .

Let me see if I have this straight: I am going to pay almost six times the original amount that I didn’t agree to in the first place to be spied on and recorded not just for the few weeks of the Olympics, but likely for the rest of my days in Vancouver?

Awesome, just wanted to make sure.

I think there are way too many cameras in this city already, let alone setting up millions of dollars-worth more, and leaving them in place as a post-Olympic “security” network. Reading through the comments, a fairly consistent thread was that if you’re not doing anything wrong, then technically you shouldn’t mind the surveillance. Well frankly, I mind. There’s no evidence that they even work. I’m grateful that both the provincial and federal privacy commissioners are behind the removal of cameras post-Olympics, but there are still so many concerns about treading on people’s privacy during the games, that I must admit, I still have my reservations.

Something about voting makes me feel smug. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s a little self-righteousness about doing my civic duty, or maybe it’s because I feel like cramming my vote into the cardboard ballot box officially gives me a license to bitch for the next four years whether or not I get my way (unlike those filthy non-voters who don’t get to complain because their inaction is tantamount to that of people who incessantly complain about their jobs, but get the gold watch for 25 years of “dedicated” service).  

Truth be told though, my smugness is completely unfounded. I’m not really all that politically engaged. My opinions on “the issues” and “the candidates” are really just pet peeves and personal digs about sweaters (Yeah, Gnocchi-face! I said sweater!) people’s facial hair (Layton, I’m looking at you, you used car salesman!). Sure, I read. I listen to other people talk about politics. I have opinions on some issues, like housing, poverty, same-sex marriage—the biggies. But as for actually making policy on it, I don’t know that I could do it. 

But then, I don’t know that anyone can. I mistrust anyone who actually thinks they’re able to do a good job in any part of being leader of a country other than fulfilling the big numero uno on any politician’s agenda: keeping the job once they’ve landed it. And if they’re not good at it to start, they’ll learn. Maybe it’s not the best criterion for judgment of a potential leader, and most voters don’t want to hear that the issues are complicated—they know they’re complicated—but to me, a little humility goes a long way. Don’t try to tell me you have all the answers. Because, well, I’m not a chump and I know you don’t. If you did, you’d have solved the problems already. For me the best thing a candidate can do is at least appear to be in touch with the people s/he wants on side. 

The earnest do-gooder in me would love to believe that this entire election exercise is not as contrived as it appears to be. I’d like to feel proud after making the trek to the ballot box. But I don’t. I feel cynical. I go and vote anyway, in full ironic knowledge that no matter who I vote for, I am always voting for what I hope will be the least of the evils. I feel smug, because those politicians can’t pull one over on me. I’m too busy pulling one over on myself.

Or perhaps I just like to bitch.