My loyal readers (both of you, bless your hearts) are likely wondering where the Hello Kitty I’ve been lately.
I’d like to say “I’ve been busy” but it’s simply not true. However, here’s a list of 10 other possible reasons I haven’t been posting*:
- The vagaries of the internet have eluded me. (Please disregard the fact that I email/FB/Twitter with some degree of regularity [read: obsessively]).
- The internet was broken.
- My computer was broken.
- I was broken.
- In a cruel and freakish twist of fate, I lost my fingers in a horrific accident concerning some frozen poultry, a roll of undeveloped film, 6 Laotian khaen players and a bowl of lentil soup.
- I have been trapped under something heavy with only my mobile phone, which for some reason I did not use to call for help, to amuse me.
- Plagued with crippling “performance anxiety” I was unable to publish for fear of alienating/disturbing/amusing/acting as a mirror to your enfeebled sense of humanity/boring my two dedicated readers.
- Someone switched the keys on my keyboard so that everything I endeavored to type appeared to be the garbled ramblings of a drunk. Wait a minute…
- I was drunk.
- A garden gnome stole my password.
*Disclaimer: The listed reasons may or may not be true, either when taken as a whole or in part. The Noun accepts no liability for the content of this blog post, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided, unless the information is subsequently confirmed in writing. Even if said information were to be subsequently confirmed in writing, you’d have to make a pretty compelling argument for me to give a flying flange about the entire godforsaken affair. Garden gnomes, Laotian Khaen players, and heavy things notwithstanding, what you read here is pretty much your problem. I mean, you’re not one of those people who need the “Caution. This beverage is hot!” warnings, are you? You are, aren’t you!? Ugh.
Tags: blogs, garden gnomes, heavy things, Laotian khaen players, lists, performance anxiety, procrastination